last goodbyes of a failure.

[jillie]

She stayed for awhile at her cousin's place...
Talking about plans of what will be going on for the next few months.
how happy they all seem to be..
She sat there, smiling.. While every one was busy,
laughing and having a good time.
It was late, so her uncle had dropped her off home.
There was a terrible hold up of traffic,
just around the block from where she lived..
So she smiled at her uncle, told him it was late and that she'd run home
Instead of him having to wait.
He looked unsure, she put up her brightest smile, and assured him
it'd be ok.
that she'd see them tomorrow anyway..

She opened the door, to her dark, empty home..
Mom must still be at work..
So for now, she'll be alone..
She entered her room, and turn the computer on.
had a message from this certain some one..
She looked at it for awhile...
And tried to put up a smile..
She stood up and turned off the light..
And sat on her bed, and checked the time.
from the drawer she pulled out a box
with an intricate handle, turning with this painful thought..
She smiled once again, with tear stung eyes...
winding, turning, remembering the lies..
She paused, and turned 'till she could turn no more.
And opened the little boxes' door.
soft light had filled the room..
of stars.. of warmth.. of flowers yet to bloom..
as the music played.. she laid down.. and cried
slowly closing her eyes, replaying everything she memorized..
"Are you so happy.. that you no longer need me?"
"Are you so happy that you have forgotten me completely?"
She opened her eyes.. while the music box's tune was still in play.
Will every one be happy.. for always? Like today?
She turned to hold her bunni tight..
She cried.. hoping everything would be alright..
The music box's tune was still in play.
Now the night, has turned today..
And there she was, laying still..
Listening to every note.. Staring at the letter by the window sill...
She closed her eyes for one last time..
As the music's tune began to die....
slowly, fading, like the music boxes' tune..
the light is fading from her room..
Slowly, fading.. Like the music boxes' tune..
withered, was the flower that never bloomed..
slowly, fading.. like the music boxes' tune..
the normal life she had, she can no longer resume..
the music box had stopped.. and would no longer play..
she laid there, with a smile.. as her soul had spirited away..

[rosedragon]

Wonderful poem! (or whatever it supposed to be called)

it is soo sad :'(

[Riida]

Yes, what rose said.

Very artistic. I give a 4/5 because I hate the sadness in it. But still, the ending was magnificent. I enjoyed every part of it.

[jillie]

awwww! thanks guys :) *is very happy*

[Olive]

Wow.......that was beautiful and very detailed! I love it except for the sad part......you will make a good poem person! ^.^

[MonsterMiner]

Very good poem!

[Ivernus]

Mmmm although I'm not a big fan of Sad Poems but I can understand why people like to do them. That aside though the Poem is very nicely done (although I'm not sure about the ..'s on every line, might have been better to have those of the more 'emotional' lines but thats personal choice). It definetly conveys the emotions your attempting to get across and the situation is rather genuine, it definetly depicts a situation which (unfortunalty) occurs often in the world.

As for advice on how to improve i can't really offer much since your already a much better Poet then I'll ever be :P but what I do suggest is to try poems of all different emotions, the more emotions you learn to invoke, the more you can play with peoples heartstrings :P. Look foward to seeing what poems you come up with next

[jillie]

wow.. thanks x]

[shinjumaou]

... *sniffle*

[jillie]

... *sniffle*

D:!

awww! there there shinjuuu. *hugs* it's ok.. she went to a better place... :(

[Teeny]

=[.. i can just imagine it, playing in my head.

[TheUltimator]

I dun get it >.> gawd... but good poem :D

[Crazy]

If that poem had gone on any longer I would have cried... 5/5 Just amazing...

It was very detailed, almost an abstract sort of poem written in a modern day form, bravo, I must say, bravo.........

*sniff*

[LoveyCookies]

Wow. Vair good. A bit moving..





:fox: vs :bunni:
Coming soon!

[jillie]

It keeps spinning~
twirling~
winding~
Swirling~

I don't want to have to hate you
But now I just do.

I'm sorry that to you
I wasn't a good daughter
sorry that i wasn't some one worthy of feeling things
worthy of your hand
worthy of your love
just like sand
i'm slipping from your glove.

you've lost grip of me- don't chase me anymore

dammit, mother- you tell me to get out- let me slam that door.

I want to hide away.
no more words are exchanged.

you tell me that every thing i do is wrong.
ok yeah. fine. be that way.
it's not my fault i never knew how to be strong
only use come backs and sharp words to defend me.

i hate you.
don't ever come to my face.
i hate you.
you make me feel like a disgrace.
i hate you both
so much with every thing else i feel.
if i could kill myself, they know i will.

i hate you-
so don't turm back to m
i hate you.
you never saw how hard it was for me
to feel- to try.
and yet you only see his side.

i hate you.
i hate my brother- and my mother.

and so they told me,
that no one else can save me but myself.
i hate the part where i'm alone as well.

i hate you.
more than words could ever express-
the feelings i kept suppressed.

i just hate you.


nothing changes that damn mark.
i may be in this family
but it's not a walk in the park.

the distance between us all is hard to gap.
his crocodile tears and puppy eyes were just a trap.
you fall for it each time.
ignore me when i'm in line.
i hate pretending it was fine.
but you never even tried.

i just hate you.
for trying all i can- i hate you both.
and with my bleeding hands.
i've tried.
to fix this remainder of me
but it hurts so bad, i can't help but cry.

as i sit here trying to memorise
all the times you made me smile
no- there weren't any.
because all i had were tears and questions as to why.

disregard your daughter for your son.
lady, now it's just begun.
the threads of hate became a cloth.
and then a blanket for this sloth.

goodbye emotions- no longer will i feel.
i'll kill myself to end this problematic deal.

[yulinlin4]

Chutianjinbao (microblogging) News correspondent correspondent Zhang Huai Yang Liu, Peng Wu intern Hu Zhiyi industry reports: murder fugitive defected to the students, only students but also serious cases of fugitives. Police Yesterday, just escaped murderer Jianlin 18 days of murder and robbery more than a fugitive suspected of being the new Tao Island Police also escorted back to the Han from Guangzhou.
11 月 6 afternoon 3 pm, Zhu Xinzhou District, Wuhan City, Shing Street west of the village along the road burst shooting, a car chase man was driving, forced to stop and shot. New Island police after hearing the news rushed out of the police, the first time a section of the injured to hospital, the way in the rescue of a paragraph, was killed. New Island caused the murder of police attention, a new criminal investigation unit after two consecutive Island fighting day and night, to identify the basic situation of the case. Wu Taoyuan in 2009, the suspect was attacked together with others of a paragraph and hands wow power leveling (http://www.upowerleveling.com), just to Jiangmou seriously slashed. The afternoon of November 6, also organized a group of Wu in Taoyuan, a car chase segment wow gold (http://www.uorpg.com), to be forced to stop. Suspects Jianlin who get off on a section of a shotgun shot, Wu Taoyuan head holding a machete and chopped twice toward the segment. Subsequently, a group of assailants fled the scene quickly.
after the incident, police quickly arrested three suspects Wu Taoyuan. However, one of the principal case, To chase caught Jianlin, Criminal Investigation Police Team has removed six cities in four provinces to recover captured, from Henan mall, Shangqiu, Zhengzhou, Kunming, Changsha, Guangzhou, until the police finally found Jianlin clues. There is information to reflect, he may do business with a classmate in Guangzhou Tao contacted. Interpol immediately sensitive to the Tao is not what they were chasing the number of robberies arrested on suspicion of major fugitive it? As a result, they developed a well-arrest program, ready to two
informed Tao will Jianlin villages arranged in Tianhe District, a small room after the war the police in advance to find out the location and surrounding environment, on the evening of November 23 came Jianlin temporary office, while it is not prepared, will be in bed sleeping Jianlin caught.
yesterday morning, police and rushed to the Panyu District, an entertainment company, the Tao captured. 12 years ago, the Tao once the way gamblers posing as police officers robbed, fled later renamed
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